If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
