So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
