I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
