I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
