I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
