I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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