It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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