so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
