Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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