I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just googled if crying burns calories
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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