um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I smell like Dick and happiness
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
