4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
