Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
