Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
50% drunk capacity currently
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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