god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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