how do flat chested girls get laid?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
