Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
