There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
