upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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