you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
