i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize