Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
