I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Even my vagina gasped.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
