the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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