I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
