Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
