My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
