Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
