there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
