They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
