What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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