I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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