So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
