i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
