I think im going to throw up on grandma
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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