I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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