so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
