i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
