On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
