Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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