My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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