is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
