he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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