BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
