she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
