My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
