I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
