3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
