You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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