This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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