yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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