dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
