Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
