dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
