She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
