I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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