if only i could text you this smell
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
