i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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