Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
