Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Found your dick twin last night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
