You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize