Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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