Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
