i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
