On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
