3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
