My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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