I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
