i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
