Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
