The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
