So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
