Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
