I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
