You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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