Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
