i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
