i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
