Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
