Kiss
Puke
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
