"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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