I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
