Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
