Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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