No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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