just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
