Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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