i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
