Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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