i just wanna soil my oats bro
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
