the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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