Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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