Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
