Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize