An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
