So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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