I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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