that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
