Swine flu. Run for my life!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
